Our Journey to Adopt

Does the teacher listen to the Teacher?

2012-01-08T22:57:00.000-08:00

I have been mulling over and re-writing this post in my head for the past few days and pray that the Lord enables me to speak with His words what is on my heart regarding our adoption.

First off, let me address our oft-asked questions: "Why in the world is this taking SO LONG??" and "Where are things in your adoption process?" There are many reasons that it has taken us longer. I have mentioned some of the reasons in previous posts---long ago. :-) One main reason was that it was a very difficult process finding the right agency who works with the orphanage that we wanted to work with. Also, adoptions were technically closed until April of 2011, so we really were limited in what we could do anyway. But mostly, the Lord has allowed things to take longer than we thought because He is accomplishing His will through the wait. I will admit, however, that waiting for all of this to be completed is not easy. Those of you that know us well can probably imagine how Mark and I handle the waiting--he is calm, cool, collected and just ready to do the next thing. I, on the other hand, am so tired of having this "mountain" of things to do hovering over us. My type A personality just wants to 'git er done' and get our kids!! This is where the Lord is teaching me, and I am SLOWLY learning.

Right now we are up against a financial wall. Haiti sets the fees for their courts to process adoptions, and the 2011 fee is $12,500 per child. In order to even send our dossier into the country to be matched with children, we need to send half of the fee along with it. Now, I am not sure what they will expect since we are adopting siblings, and we don't know how many that will be. We are thinking that we probably need to send enough for 2 and be ready to send another $6250 if we are matched with a group of 3. Our homestudy case worker has approved us for up to 3 kids ages 0-9.

We have already spent several thousand on homestudy fees, agency fees, FBI clearances, fingerprinting, etc... and we are realizing that it is time to ask for partnership from our friends and family. This is where the Lord is teaching me through my precious first grade class. If you are my facebook friend, then you have likely already read the sweet things that happened in class just this week. Teaching in a Christian school is such a blessing for many reasons, but one in particular is that we have a class prayer time every day. We lift up the burdens they are carrying (like the cat's hurt eye, the scratch on their finger, and many other 'interesting' concerns!), we pray for a new school building, we pray for our business partners, and occasionally I will share something to pray about. Several weeks ago when I realized that the financial component of our adoption was rapidly approaching, I asked the children to pray that God would provide the funds for us to complete our adoption. I think I mentioned it in prayer time twice over the last 3 months. Well, 2 of my students have written me the sweetest notes and enclosed their hard earned money to contribute to our fund! I was BLOWN away! I went in to the school office to tell our sweet secretary about it (she is also the leader of a Bible study that I have attended and a spiritual 'mama').

As I stood there with tears in my eyes feeling guilty that my students had done this, she began to share with me,

"LET THEM GIVE TO YOU!"

"LET THEM BE A PART OF THIS!"

"THIS IS SEED MONEY!"

"THEY ARE BEING BLESSED AS THEY GIVE TO YOU!"

(and the one that REALLY got me)

"WHEN THEY GET TO FINALLY SEE AND MEET YOUR CHILDREN, THEY WILL KNOW THAT GOD USED THEM TO HELP BRING THEM HOME!"

I knew that God was trying to get my self-reliant self to see the bigger picture. This is not just about us and our family! All of His followers are called to help the orphan, but obviously not all of us are called or able to adopt. My students were JOYFULLY giving from their limited means, and God was blessing it!

Now comes the part of this post that I don't want to write, but know that I must. I have been in somewhat of a "faithless funk" for the past few months. I know that my God is able to do ANYTHING and I believe that He will provide for His children, but I didn't want it to be this hard. I selfishly wanted the money for this adoption to just fall into our laps. I justified my thinking with all kinds of rationale--"We both have demanding full-time jobs! We don't have time to focus on fund-raising or applying for grants that we likely won't qualify for anyway." Or, "Alli graduates this year! We must go to every function of hers before she leaves us!" Or, "Man! Senior year is expensive! Senior pictures, announcements, yearbook stuff, and all her concurrent (college) credit fees!" On and on and on went my list of excuses. Mainly, I wanted God to just show up in a big way and do it quickly! I didn't really care if that was His way or not....

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Is. 55:9

I BEGAN TO REALIZE THAT HE WANTED TO GIVE OTHERS THE OPPORTUNITY TO PARTICIPATE IN A STORY OF REDEMPTION.

I don't want our adopted children to feel "rescued" or "saved" by us. And I certainly don't want them to feel obligated in any way to us for "saving" them--God saves them, just as He saved you and me.

"I have made you, and I will carry you; I will sustain you, and I will rescue you." Is. 46:4

We want to increase our family, and we know that the Lord has directed us to do it in this way. He is allowing us to enter into a broken situation and be a part of bringing beauty out of the ashes. He weeps over the orphan and longs to comfort and soothe their tears.

"God sets the lonely in families..." Ps. 68:6

So as I have contemplated my precious students who have given with their BIG faith to their teacher with her little faith, I realized that I wanted a way to remember FOREVER all those who encourage us with their faith and joy.

I wanted a way to memorialize their sweet names and hearts.

Here is our plan: We are ordering a specially made 1000 PIECE PUZZLE with a map of Haiti on it. We are inviting you to be a part of our family's adoption story by first PRAYING about what the Lord might have you do. If he directs you to participate financially, we will be adding your name to the back of a puzzle piece for every $10.00 increment.

SO EACH $10 OF YOUR GIFT GETS YOUR NAME ON THE BACK OF A PUZZLE PIECE!

After we complete our puzzle, we will have it mounted with glass on both sides so that our family will FOREVER REMEMBER

the love and kindness shown to us by so many.

I know that there are so many worthy causes, and I certainly don't want anyone to feel obligated at all, but the Lord is reminding me that His ways are not mine! He moves upon the hearts of man, and I need to get out of the way!

If you do want to give, there are a couple of ways:

First, there is a Paypal button at the top of my blog. If you have a Paypal account, you can give directly through that. If you don't have an account, they are easy to get and very secure. There are instructions if you click on the "donate" button.

Secondly, you can email me at "teachermahnke dot com" for my address if you want to send something through the mail.

Thank you for taking the time to read. Thank you for praying for our family. I am humbled beyond words that many of you have asked how you can help--prompting this post. Feel free to link this on your blog or facebook and share with anyone that you think may want to join us in this journey.

"I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants."

Let it be, Lord!

Where we are now...

2011-09-11T23:16:00.000-07:00

Guess what came in the mail yesterday?? Our totally complete and notarized home study!! Yay! In my last post I mentioned that we were at the end of that and were having our in-home visits with our social worker. Those visits went so well, and now we are DONE with that portion. We have also completed our Psychological Evaluations and have only a few more forms to complete our dossier that will be translated into French and sent to Haiti. Just a refresher for those of you who don't know what a dossier is--it is a compilation of MANY documents that show who we are and reveal just about everything about us to a foreign government so that we can be cleared to adopt from that particular country. Our dossier requirements include things like medical forms/tests; marriage/birth certificates; bank statements; tax forms; fingerprinting; government clearances (federal ones); verification of employment/income; letters that state our motivation to adopt (written by us to the head of the foreign gov't); personal reference letters; etc.... It is daunting, to say the least! And everything has to be done just right--with the proper notarizations/authentications, or it might have to be done all over again! Our new agency that we chose, All About Adoptions, Inc., has a dossier specialist on staff, so hopefully everything will get her stamp of approval!

We are growing more and more excited as we get closer to being done with our portion. Then we just wait on the orphanage (we did go with GLA --see previous post) to refer us to the child/ren that they have for us, and we wait for our documents to make it through the Haitian courts. People ask me often about how long this will take. I wish I knew for sure! If we get our documents there in the next month or so, we could have a referral by the end of this year, or early January. Then, it's up to the courts on how long it all takes to process. We did just hear a few weeks ago that files are making it through in about 8 months right now--that is WAY faster than before the earthquake! The Lord knows the timing, and we are trusting that He also knows how we are going to pay for this, because I am still a little in the dark on that one! We know that this is what He has called us to do, so we will trust that He will provide.

Along with trying to gather the last documents we need, I am also beginning another school year! I have 22 first grade students this year, and our first week went swimmingly! Aside from the heat that makes my room almost unbearable by the last couple of hours, the kids did great. Each year I find that I have just a few more tricks up my sleeve to get the results I am looking for in performance and behavior. The keys that work best for me are extreme organization (everything in it's place and no extra clutter), and taking the time to really TEACH and practice all of our routines. There might not be a whole lot of actual lesson teaching at first, but taking the time to show the class what is expected at school will pay off all year long. I know that even though I have to watch where I step so that I don't trip over all of the MANY bodies in my little room, we are going to have a great year of learning together.

The first two months of school also bring volleyball season for the 2 big girls! With Alli being a senior **sniff, sniff!**, we are trying to go to many of her games. Thankfully, this year Alli and Erica's games aren't always on the same days like last year. That was crazy! So, I will be jetting out of school as early as possible to drive LONG distances (seriously--some are 3 hours away!) to watch my kiddos play. I love it!

God is doing great things! Can't wait to share more...

So close!

2011-08-02T11:56:00.000-07:00

So we are almost sure about the agency we will use to help us complete our Haitian adoption! We will know for sure in a few more days, but after talking with them it sounds like just what we are looking for....

Here is a link to the orphanage they work with (and the main reason we are choosing them!)

http://www.glahaiti.org/home

If you go to this site, scroll down on the left-hand side to Blogs and click.

The orphanage director, Dixie, writes the "Life Goes On" blog, which is amazing reading. We have been reading this blog for over a year, and just really believe that our kids are here!

They were closed to new adoptive families until just this last spring, so now we see one possible reason that the Lord was slowing us down....

Just look at those beautiful faces! Anyone want to join us on this journey?? It would be amazing to do this alongside dear friends and family....:-) (seriously!!)

Back on track

2011-07-27T12:00:00.000-07:00

So this post might seem strange after my last one, but now here we are. It is 18 months after we first knew that God was calling us to adopt from Haiti. We haven't made many steps toward that happening. After stopping everything while we considered whether God was leading us to adopt the little guy in the previous post, we now have officially started it up again. We still have unknowns with his situation, but at this point, we feel that it is unlikely to lead to us getting to adopt him. We will still continue our weekends with him, and we will trust God with the rest.

Anyone familiar with adoption knows that one of the first things that needs to happen is that there must be a Homestudy done by a licensed social worker. Basically, our whole lives get investigated to make sure that we aren't crazy people that want to adopt kids. We write entire histories of our lives that include what our families were like growing up (grandparent relationships, parental relationships, sibling relationships...) and what our own family is like now. We have to have fingerprinting done, medical tests done, references written, tons of forms filled out, taxes copied, financial questions answered, guardianship chosen for our kids, and the lists go on....

Anyway....we have done all of that! And now our assigned case worker is visiting us to document that what we wrote is true, and to walk us through the first approval process towards adopting internationally. I am thrilled to say that we have an awesome case worker! She lives in our town, and was a delight to meet. She has completed our first in-home visit, and we will have our second meeting next week. After that visit, she will write up our completed homestudy that will be the basis of our adoption approval. Now our new job will be to finalize exactly what agency we will use to complete our international adoption. The agency doing our homestudy only does domestic adoptions, but they are licensed to complete Int'l homestudies as well. Some of you that have read from the time that I started this blog will remember that we did choose an agency a long time ago. However, they seem to be pretty inactive right now. Nothing has changed on their website in over a year. We aren't receiving email updates at all. Needless to say, this has us worried about continuing with them. We are actively looking for a new path. We need to find it soon since the clock is ticking once our homestudy is complete. We would like to have this plan in place in the next two weeks. But I am learning that what I think is a good plan may not be what the Lord thinks is a good plan! We are asking Him to lead us to the path that He has for us to take. Maybe the original agency? Maybe a new one? Maybe a direct adoption through an established orphanage that we know about? We will keep on following His lead.

On a side note, while I seem to rarely write here anymore, I do LOVE reading other blogs! I especially love the ones that post a variety of topics. So, I may diverge from the topic of adoption and our family occasionally to write about something fairly random. Like how awesome the fresh raspberries are in my MIL's yard, or how excited I am to be almost finished writing my Unit Guides for my 19 unit math curriculum! You never know, it could happen....;-)

Sweet Boy

2011-07-26T13:30:00.000-07:00

He came into the classroom with huge eyes that looked to be filled with apprehension and possibly even fear. All of this was new to him. His Kindergarten year had been disrupted by a very scary event that resulted in him now living with Grandpa and Grandma, and this was really his first foray into a real classroom and real learning. I welcomed him warmly and made sure that he met some of the other boys who would become his best buds for this school year. He slowly relaxed. Our first days as a class are always a bit "out of the norm" as I focus strongly on teaching routines, rules and respect, but soon we settled into our normal daily schedule of reading, writing, math, etc...

Fast forward a couple of months....

I look over during our seatwork time as I am running through reading groups, and I see huge, silent tears streaming down his face. This isn't the first time he has cried, but it is different in that it doesn't seem to be prompted by anything. No one was mean to him. Nothing happened that I can see. I dismiss my reading group and call him over to my desk. "What's wrong, Honey?" I ask. As I reach to hug him (a huge benefit of teaching in a Christian school), he lays his head on my shoulder and says, "I miss my mom. I WANT a mom!" I try and pretty much fail at holding it together myself. This precious boy wants a mommy (and a daddy), and while his grandparents have been amazing in their love and care for him, he is realizing that everyone else in the class has something that he doesn't have.

It is now January, and grandma is calling me frequently to ask questions about school, about his emotional health and about how to minister in the best possible way to her grandson. In one of our conversations, I offer to have him come stay with us on the weekends to help give them a break--caring for a seven year old boy is busy work!--and to help meet his need for "family". And so begin our weekends for the next several months. We are still in this ministry mode. We typically pick him up on Friday afternoons and keep him until Sunday evening. To say that he loves coming here, is probably an understatement. I don't say this to sound like we are some kind of amazing family, I say this because children are wired to need a family. Grandma and Grandpa are vital and healthy and amazing care givers, but they are supposed to be filling a different role. They should be doing the spoiling, the sleepovers, the games, the sharing of family history. Not the discipline, homework, chores, etc...

What does this mean for our adoption pursuits? Well, this is why there has been a significant delay in our process. We thought maybe the Lord had led us down the path of adoption so that when this little guy came into our lives, we would be open to adopting him (we are, by the way). However, there is a mom in this boy's life. She has rights that she is unwilling to give up. I don't even know that she should give them up. We pray constantly about this situation and at this point we feel the Lord saying that we are here to "stand in the gap" while mom is getting her life together. We pray that she will be fit to care for him once again.

In the meantime, we love, we care, we read bedtime stories, we snuggle, we play, we teach, and we wipe away tears and tell him of God's immense love and plan for him. We don't know what the future holds, but we trust the One who does.

Next time---Homestudy, Part 1!

We are alive! (I know this is probably a repeat title!)

2011-02-28T16:34:00.000-08:00

Yes, folks. We are still on the face of the earth! We are still adopting, but nothing about the timeline or process is going quite like we thought or planned. However, I am finally really okay with that. I am loving seeing how God is directing things and knowing that He knows how all this will turn out. I can honestly say that right now...I rest fully in that.

There are exciting things going on in our home that are really doing a great job of preparing us more for this grand adventure. I would love to share, but this blog is not private, so I can't give details yet. We are all working on "not growing weary as we do good". Our family has been serving in a particular way in the last several weeks, and we are pooped! However, the One that we serve is faithful to give us what we need just when we need it.

Since my last post many, many moons ago, we have been enjoying some fun things as a family. 3 of us have had birthday celebrations and the 4th one (Alli) is on Wednesday! She is going to be 17--which she thinks is kind of a "bummer" birthday sandwiched between 2 milestone birthdays. I told her it's my year to rest and begin to wrap my brain around the few days that remain before the big 18. I can't believe it.... McKenna will be our last birthday in our one-birthday-a-month extravaganza that begins in December and goes through April! My baby will be 10!!

In other news, we are looking into possibly visiting Haiti in the next few months to serve at a mission there. They also have an orphanage (not the one we are adopting from), so that would be a great way to begin to see what God has in store for us as well. We don't know details yet, but please pray. Based on the information that I am seeing about this particular orphanage, it looks like adoptions in Haiti are becoming a much more rapid process! This is great news for those of us in the middle of it. There is also a vote happening in March in Haiti that could possibly lighten some of the restrictions on adoptions so that more people will qualify. Right now the biggest obstacles are that couples have to be married for 10 years, have NO children (but can possibly get a Presidential waiver for bio children), and you must be over 35 years old. Our agency says that the one about previous children is usually waived, but the others are hard to overcome.

I will try to be better about posting, but no promises! :-)

Still here!

2010-10-11T22:25:00.000-07:00

To my few, but treasured readers!

I am sorry to have been absent for so long. There is much to say about our life right now, but sadly, not much new on the adoption front. To be honest, we sort of hit a stall in our process and are just now coming out of that time. I could give lots of reasons why this happened, but to summarize, I will just say that I have come to accept that the Lord wanted to do some more work in us before we took further steps. Not really anything disciplinary (I don't think!), but more refining and preparing and fine-tuning our hearts. We have made some great strides in family and in our marriage, and are excited to see what God is going to do as we follow Him through open doors!

One big thing that you may remember from my Summer Goal list was that we would eliminate broadcast TV viewing from our home until Christmas. Well, after a brief adjustment period for our children, we have so enjoyed the freedom and quiet that is now in our home. We still allow occasional videos (more during the summer than now, thanks to TONS of homework!), but that has been all that any of us have watched for several months now. We are used to it, and may not even go back at Christmas. We are thankful for the gift of time that this has afforded (though you wouldn't know it since I have been terrible at writing here!!).

On the homefront, we are about to wrap up our volleyball season here. Erica is 12 and on the JV Jr. High team. She is in 7th grade and is really getting the basics of the game. She is a consistent server, an encouraging teammate, and is learning to handle coaching that sometimes hurts a little! Alli is in 11th grade and is thrilled to be on the Varsity H.S. team! She had to really fight for her spot, and is doing so great. Mark and I love going to as many games as we can--even if we have to drive 3 hours away at 6 in the morning on Saturday to watch an all day tournament! It has really been hitting me lately that I have only one more volleyball season of Alli's to watch!

I think part of my feet-dragging that has happened in our adoption process is this feeling that I want to be the best mom I can be to the children that live with me now. I am afraid of putting so much energy into adoption stuff that I have no reserves left for the kids in my house! Then, on the flip side, I have immense guilt over the children of ours that are living in an orphanage--or on the street-- and I am compelled to work hard and fast to get them here with us. I can't win, so I have given it to the Lord, knowing that He knows the timing. I must do what I can, and then let the guilt and fear and everything else fall away. Those feelings are not from Him! He has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind. I am praying to live more fully in that truth.

Since this post is turning out to be a stream of "random" consciousness, I will close with a bit about school this year. I have a charming and darling class of 17 bright students. They are amazing, and I can truly say that I enjoy each one. God saw fit to give me a year that is looking like it will be fairly smooth. I love getting one of those kinds of classes every now and then! At this point my biggest challenge is keeping my smarty-pants ones busy, and keeping the talking down! :-) Our family has gotten back into the early morning routine, and we are so thankful for our Christian school.

May your week be blessed, and I will keep everyone posted as things get moving again. I humbly ask for your continued prayers!

Grandma's Love--Tribute to Meinie

2010-08-05T19:49:00.000-07:00

Memories of the times spent with my grandmas are so dear and close to my heart. My mom's mom, who I named "Meinie" when I was old enough to talk, lived close by us all of my growing up years. She was always so happy to have us visit and we visited a lot! My favorite times were the times that I got to spend the night with her and sleep on her hide-a-bed. We would always listen to J. Vernon McGee on the radio and she always followed along in her Bible and took notes. If you haven't heard him before, try to google it and hear him say, "Iss-ry-el". It's classic!

I've been mulling over all my memories with her lately since it appears that her days left on earth are coming to an end. She has remained in good health and has been so mobile and and spry for so long, but she has recently begun to slow way down and then came down with a pretty bad case of shingles. Apparently, it can trigger a multitude of health problems in elderly people--including dementia and sudden problems with different organs and systems. This is what is happening to sweet Meinie. The shingles showed up about 3 weeks ago and she went from walking (slowly, but still walking!) to being stuck in a wheelchair or bed. It's hard to watch--and I am sure it's harder to live through.

****UPDATE****
I stopped writing this post here on March 19, 2010, and am finishing it today, August 5, 2010

Today is the day after losing our beloved Meinie here on earth. While we mourn the loss of her life, we do acknowledge that it is solely our loss, not hers! She is in GLORY with the Lord! She has now seen the splendor of Heaven and knows the fullness of joy. So, if you will allow me a moment to reflect, I am going to use the remainder of this post to remember. To ponder. To reflect and record some of my favorite things about her and some of my most special memories of her.

As mentioned above, I had the joy and privilege of living close by her and her husband Bruce (who was also given such a creative--ha!--name by me: Da). They were both what we would consider involved grandparents. Meinie invited us over often for dinner and let both David and I take turns spending the night. Although he may have a different memory of those times, my turn spending the night always involved the nighttime snack of popcorn, apples and slices of cheese! This was well before the average American household had a VCR, so a movie was never a part of that time. We would talk, laugh, play games, and maybe watch something like Lawrence Welk on TV! When she lived out on Hall Blvd., she would sleep with me out in the living room on her hide-a-bed. After moving to Timberlake Dr., she finally had a guest room, and I would sleep on the hide-a-bed alone. That was okay though, since I was about 8 or so when they moved there. Such fun times we had!

Meinie was also called upon to help out with transportation home from school once my mom went back to teaching. David and I didn't really want to hang out after school till early evening waiting for mom and dad to be ready to go home, so Meinie would come to pick us up and drop us off at our house. We loved the days that she came to get us! Not only did we get to see her and hang out for awhile, but when the car approached the local DQ on the way home, she would almost always stop and let us get a treat! This was AWESOME!

I never remember being bored at her house. She was the kind of grandma who always kept fun things on hand for us to play with. There was the old jewelry box full of costume jewelry that I loved to organize and try on. You had to be careful opening the box so that the latch wouldn't snap your finger! She also had baby dolls and blankets to wrap them in and shoebox beds for them. We loved all the little brain teaser games that were out on the coffee table. There was the crazy magnetic mummy thing--weird! There was the peg game shaped like a red cross with one black peg that you had to try to get into the middle space. There were various dice games and little silver linked shapes that you had to try to get apart. Of course there was a plethora of coloring books and crayons too. When I was about 9 or 10 I went through a stage where I LOVED typing on her OLD typewriter. One time we were visiting, and I decided to type out the whole story of the Poky Little Puppy from a book that she had. I literally copied every word! We must have been visiting for a long time that day, because I remember it taking me FOREVER!

Later in my life, Meinie discovered that I had a passion for reading just like she did. This was a great bond for us. We would talk about books we loved, and she gave me probably about 80% of the books I now own. We both loved historical Christian fiction the best. And she helped me grow to love George MacDonald books that are rich with spiritual truth. My absolute most treasured book from her is the old copy of My Utmost For His Highest that she gave me back in 1989 when I went off to college. Many of you know this book--and if you don't, you should!! Oswald Chambers is the author and his insights into the Word of God are pretty darn close to being inspired. The really precious thing about this copy is that my parents gave it to her in 1968 when Meinie first began her daily walk with the Lord. She underlined sections and wrote notes in the margin. It is sort-of falling apart, but I still read it often and like knowing what parts were speaking to her on those days many years ago.

I think that I derived part of my love for cooking from Meinie too (along with my mom and my Grandma Norrie who also are great cooks!). Meinie's specialty was probably sweet treats (in my opinion!). She became the one who would always make my birthday cake. I was a strange child in that I never liked cake with that yucky, thick buttercream (lard) frosting! I wanted Meinie's German Marble Cake! No frosting, just a delicious vanilla and chocolate marbled pound cake. My poor friends who would come to my birthday parties probably thought that I had bad taste in cake, but she made that cake for me almost every year until she couldn't anymore. (side note--bless you mom and my sweet SIL, Jeweliann, for taking up the cross of making me that difficult cake on my birthday--especially since my birthday falls when everyone is all "baked out" from Christmas!!)

As this post is getting long, I will wrap it up with one more memory. Actually, it isn't really a memory, I guess. When Mark and I went to Vancouver back in April to help pack up her room in her assisted living place, I came across a small journal of hers. I didn't actually take the time to look at it carefully when I found it because we were in "get 'er done" mode, but after we came home from that trip, I took the time to read it through--several times. (I also noticed a small sticker on it that said "for Mary", so I WILL be giving it to you, Mom!) Anyway, she was a mighty prayer warrior! I didn't really know that before. I mean, I knew that she prayed for her family members, but she PRAYED!! If you knew her, your name was probably listed in that book. She began the book in 1989 and wrote off and on in it until 2007. What a treasure it is! She noted all the births of the great grandchildren, she prayed for her pastors, her church, her friends and her family. She shared times of loneliness after Da died. Sadly, I don't think that I ever realized how lonely she was at times. But, she always came around to the blessings that the Lord had given her and she thanked Him profusely.

Here is an excerpt from that journal: Written shortly after Da passed away.

10-27-1994

Today I feel
not wanted
not needed
not loved--
All reminders from the enemy.

I read in the book of Malachi:
"They shall be mine, says the Lord of hosts. On the day that I make them my jewels, and I will spare them as a man spares his own son who serves him."

I'm taking this promise as my own. I belong to the Lord. He calls me one of His jewels. Thank you, dear Lord. Thank you, Jesus.

I don't know what Heaven will be like, but I do know that Jesus will be there and that's all that really matters.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, that we know that You will return to this earth. Show us that we must repent of our sins in order to see You when you come again. Holy Spirit, make us feel disturbed if there is one unconfessed sin left in our life and heart. Thank you, Lord Jesus, that on the cross You bore the sins of the whole world--my sins and the sins of those who are praying now.
Amen

This post has gotten long, and I will be surprised if you have stayed to read this whole thing. But as I close, I am challenged to be the kind of wife, mother, friend, and eventually grandma that leaves this kind of a legacy. I hope that reading some of my memories challenges you to think about how you will be remembered. All that Meinie did and said was wonderful and was a blessing, but the fact that she prayed so faithfully for me and others is the most precious part of who she was. I am so thankful that I come from parents and grandparents who pray for me and my family, but yesterday I lost one of my prayer warriors.

Today I pray, "I thank my God whenever I remember you" Philip. 1:3. Heavenly Father, thank you for blessing me with Meinie! She is Yours and her tender, loving, merciful heart was such a blessing to all who knew her. Heaven gained a treasure yesterday!

New Word--Dossier

2010-07-13T14:31:00.000-07:00

It came in the mail on Friday, July 9, 2010. Our packet. A packet full of documents and a checklist of 22 items--most of which require other people/organizations in order to complete them. All of them need multiple signatures, notarizing and state/federal seals. This is going to be an adventure in patience for sure! But we are ready. We are excited. We know that He who has directed us in this endeavor will be faithful.

Here are the stats:

Our adoption agency: Hand in Hand International Adoptions
www.hihiadopt.org

Timeline: This is a hard one to predict, but I will give it a shot.

1. Complete this packet of 22 items which includes our home study--4-6 months

2. Submit our completed dossier (dos-ee-ay), the 22 items in the packet, to our agency along with a LOT of money. The dossier will be translated into French and sent to the Haitian government.

3. Wait for a match to whatever children God has waiting for us. This should only take 30-60 days!!

4. After we accept the match (2 or more children is likely since we are willing to take a sibling group), we will need to wire the remaining money to the Haitian government for them to process our adoption.

5. WAIT AND WAIT for travel dates once our file makes it through several offices of the Haitian gov't. This is where we are praying for God's favor and speed! This was known to take 1 or 2 YEARS prior to the earthquake. Our agency is quoting 12-18 months. We don't really know the state of things as far as adoption processing is concerned since the earthquake.

6. Buy airline tickets and travel to pick up our children! We should probably only need to be gone about a week. If our waiting time (above in #5) is going longer than expected, we may go and visit/meet our children during that time. Many families do that so that the relationship can begin to grow.

Here are the financials for those of you who have asked:

Home study--about $2200
Agency fee--$9,500
Country and Orphanage Fees--$11,000 per child (for us this will be $22,000-33,000) and there is no reduction of the fee for multiple children. And just to clarify--we are not buying a child! That is illegal! All of this fee goes to the various government agencies that need to review our dossier, approve our family, prove that the children in the orphanage are truly orphans, and finalize all the steps of our adoption. Part of this fee also goes to the particular orphanage where our children are to help with their care.

I don't know yet where all of this money will be coming from. It's going to be a step by step process, that's for sure! One HUGE praise is that we received our first donation which will cover our Home Study!! We have it sitting in a savings account waiting for Home Study time. In the meantime, I am on the lookout for creative ways to raise money. At this point, our first fundraiser will be next month in the form of a garage sale (much to my husband's chagrin!). If you are local and would like to donate any items you have laying around, we will take them! Also, if anyone has a great idea for another fundraiser, let me know~

We would covet your prayers, and we thank you for all your encouragement!!

In the Mail!

2010-06-17T16:23:00.000-07:00

We did it! Our complete application has been sent to our 1st choice agency! I almost can't believe it since we have been in the "research phase" for SO LONG!! Now we wait for approval---I'll keep you posted! Prayers are appreciated!

Summer Goals

2010-06-14T20:07:00.000-07:00

Wow. I made it to summer! After a few days of teacher inservice wrapping up my end of the year to-do list, I am a (somewhat) free woman! I have been praying and thinking about how to be more intentional in my summer plans this year so that the time doesn't just fritter away. I realized that starting tomorrow (my first official day off) I have about 80 days of summer break. Now that may sound like a TON of days, but IT'S NOT!! I have learned from experience that the best laid plans for my time often do not actually happen.

This summer is a bit different for me. I have had this sense of restlessness in my life for the last several months--knowing that He is growing and changing me. He is changing huge things in my life perspective. He wants me to see people and the world more like He sees them. The logical questions that follow a view like that is, "What am I going to DO about what I am learning?" I know that there are suffering people who need Jesus, but am I doing all that I can to point them to Him. And how does one really point someone to Jesus? Is it by preaching at them begging them to change their ways? Likely not. I am reminded again that it is by choosing to SERVE them no matter how much it may inconvenience me. It is choosing to be the hands and feet of Christ and giving up what I perceive to be "my rights". Not an easy task! I am so challenged, and certainly have only begun to think and pray through what this looks like in the flesh.

God's leading us to adopt is only the beginning of this challenge. I am praying that I am not so self-focused in pursuing that call that the Spirit of God is squelched in His desire to expand my territory and ministry opportunities while I wait for adoption action steps to happen. I am totally humbled by the fact that He has opened the door for me to lead worship and minister through music at a women's event this next weekend--the same event where I had my MAJOR life changing moment back in October! How marvelous are His ways and how gracious is He that He would choose to use me in this way. (If I knew how to link back to an older post, I would--but I don't, so you can scroll back to read about that towards the very beginning of my blog! Sorry!)

After next weekend, I have some specific goals to work towards this summer:

*In depth Bible study:
The time for getting that "quick Word" is over! I hear God calling me to KNOW Him and know His ways--to truly KNOW His character and live in the peace of His presence. I struggle so much to live in that moment by moment peace when the daily grind is at its worst. Like in the middle of the school year when I'm tired and worn out and wondering how I am going to "do it all" and do it well.

*Growth reading:
I recently finished reading Francis Chan's books: Crazy Love and Forgotten God.
Both were amazing and life-changing.
Next up is reading the new and revised Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby and then The Hole in our Gospel by Richard Stearns. I also have several adoption info books that are stacked up next to my bed. I will be busy!

*Adoption Paperwork:
As we get further in the process, there will be MANY forms to fill out. I would love to get our Home Study well under way as well as most of the official documents compiled that we need. We will also be doing our adoption education either online or through the state. Haven't quite nailed that one down yet. I just want to accomplish as much as possible during my less busy summer months! The great news today is that I found a great organization that will do international home studies even if you are not adopting through their agency. Our agency (still un-named!) is out-of-state, so we need someone in Oregon to do our Home Study. This organization even has a social worker right in our town!! No mileage fees!! Yay!

*Photos...
I hesitate to even write this...but I am attempting to sort through my boxes of photos with the girls this summer. I figure they are old enough to help me and might actually enjoy picking out special photos for us to put in albums together. Maybe we will even end up with a few finished albums by the end of summer! I don't know why I never thought of them helping me before! I can help with correct dates and events, and they can provide some of the labor involved in sorting and placing into albums. This would be a HUGE load off my mind...

*Vacation
I won't be posting actual dates here, but we have decided to take a road trip down to Disneyland! It is our favorite place to go, and we haven't been in 5 years. We absolutely cannot wait!

*Health
I am going to attempt integrating a few more healthy items into our diet, and I am wanting more exercise in my life. Walking is a start, but I have a desire to make the year that I turn **cough, cough, 40** the best, most healthy year yet. We'll see...this is the goal that I am least confident about. Any suggestions for a girl with a really bad knee and who really hates to sweat?? I know, I know, I'm good at excuses! :-)

Well, there you have it--in black and white. I am suddenly feeling a bit tired--maybe I should head to bed and start on these tomorrow--oh wait, I always say that and that's why I'm here! I guess I will at least start on one tonight--probably the reading one. I can lay down and do that!

Have a great week!

Update

2010-05-30T17:47:00.000-07:00

Good Sunday to you all! I always enjoy a Sunday so much more when there is a holiday on Monday, and I don't have all the "getting ready for school" stuff to do!

Well, in my last post I said that 2 decisions were coming up soon. We spent much time in prayer seeking the Lord about whether I should continue teaching full time. I do love so many things about the job, but the reality is that working full time does take time and energy. We carefully weighed out all the pros and cons and asked that the Lord reveal His will for us in this. After weeks and weeks of this, we both felt that it would be best for me to continue teaching in this job that He has called me to. I know that working outside the home is definitely not for every mother, and I am acutely aware of the many sacrifices that are made when a woman does choose to work outside the home. But I believe that He has equipped me to do this, and I believe that He will fill in the gaps.

I don't care what side of the fence one falls on regarding moms working or not working; the simple fact is that you can't do it all! Something has to give when a mom chooses to take a job that is away from the home for many hours in a day. Here are the biggest sacrifices that I feel personally and that I am working through. I would love any advice on how to make these sacrifices seem not so big!

*Involvement in a women's Bible study. Evening ones just don't fit with my family's schedule.

*Time to invest in friendships. It's hard to stay connected with friends who are stay-at-home mom's since the time that I am free is only on a Saturday morning or possibly a rare evening here or there. That is not the time that they are usually free. Bummer.

*The ability to really sit and visit one on one with each kid, each day. Now this one is something that I believe does not have to be a sacrifice I make. We have a plan of action here to help us (me) be more intentional in changing this. Our plan involves getting rid of T.V. I am not a T.V. addict, but sadly, when I'm tired after a long day at school, T.V. becomes my way to veg out. Come summer, the T.V. will be disconnected. Only movies will be occasionally allowed. Oh, my kids are going to love me for this, right?? Not.

*Keeping up with memory books and photo albums. I can't even write anything descriptive here because this whole topic just plain makes me sick to my stomach!! I need help here!

*Doing things for others. I used to really enjoy helping others out in tangible ways back when I was a stay-at-home mom (man that was a LONG time ago!!). I loved to take a meal to a new mom, or to someone who was sick. I loved to be able to help watch the children of those who were in the midst of a hard time. I loved secretly doing things for others too. Now, I very rarely am able/available to do those things. I either don't have the time or know that I don't have the energy to give to those types of things. I do have some opportunities, but not as much as I'd like.

*Helping Mark with his business. I know that Mark would love it if I could assist in some of the bookkeeping/paperwork side of his business, but there is just no time! He also would love it if I could travel with him once in awhile, but again, no time!

Wow, this post is not going how I'd planned! Anyway, I feel confident in our decision, and blessed that even though there are several sacrifices, God piles on the blessings as well. I am blessed that all 3 of my children attend my school and I see all of them each day. We have all the same days off of school, and I am able to know their teachers and friends well. I love our staff and the tremendous things that are happening at our school. God has truly blessed us in huge ways! We just went through our accreditation renewal last month, and it was so amazing to see that come to fruition. We put tons of work into pacing maps, curriculum guides, and many other documents and it paid off! We are a fully accredited school! For you educators out there, you know how important that is and how it boosts the reputation of a school. Thank you Lord!

Finally, the other news that my few readers have been waiting for! We have chosen an agency for our Haitian adoption! I will be announcing the name as soon as we are officially accepted into the program. Our application is waiting to mail as soon as we receive a couple of other bits of information. I should have solid info within a couple of weeks. I would love to share the name, but had better wait until it's official.

That's all for now. Enjoy the long weekend!

Big Week

2010-05-17T21:17:00.001-07:00

I feel a bit like a broken record whenever I post. I know that each post sort-of contains the same material without really giving any concrete information. I can't tell you how difficult is has been for me to not have any real specific new information, but I am trusting that I will look back on the archives of this blog someday and see clearly how God's hand directed each step we took....

This week is going to be a big week of decisions! I know it! We are attending another adoption group meeting on Thursday night and will get to talk with adoption lawyers and agency reps. We have narrowed down our agency search to only a couple and plan to make a final decision by the weekend. I will keep you posted! Also, there are other big decisions on the horizon that we are hoping to finalize this week as well.

All this decision making has the potential to send me over the edge into a cesspool of STRESS! But I am claiming "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee". I am so thankful that I have the love of my Heavenly Father--who knows my heart and loves me as I am.

Information on all these decisions will be coming soon! Have a great week and thanks for praying.

Thoughts

2010-05-02T18:14:00.000-07:00

This will be short and sweet.

*Went to an adoption forum in our hometown last weekend that included 4 families sharing their adoption stories. They all have either adopted domestically or internationally. It was AMAZING! So worth our time! The other really cool thing is that there were at least 10-15 other couples there who were in various stages of adoption just like us! I can't wait for next month's meeting that will have adoption lawyers and agency reps who will share that side of the process. We left even more convinced that this is what we are to be doing right now.

*This week I had a moment of desperation where I just wanted to get our kids! I don't even know who they are, but I want them here. I have to keep trusting that God is still preparing us and our children. He will unite us in His timing.

*Big decisions are looming over us regarding choosing an agency (or going an alternative route) and deciding if I should continue my teaching job next year. There are many pros and cons rattling around in my head, and I won't share them all here, but I would covet your prayers for God's wisdom in these 2 decisions. To be honest, having them weighing on my mind is exhausting--I just want to know what to do! I was supposed to let my principal know by the end of March, and she is graciously giving me more time to figure things out. Mark and I are talking and praying these things over each day, but haven't felt a strong leading one way or the other from the Lord.

Thanks for continuing to read.

Still

2010-04-15T20:16:00.000-07:00

Still. This word has two meanings to us right now. It is an adverb that describes the verb "waiting." As in, "We are still waiting to see where God directs us for our next step in our adoption process." We don't quite know yet what we should be doing as Haiti is trying to figure out what the new, revamped process will be. However, we do have confirmation that adoption is, in fact, open in Haiti and the U.S. is also willing to process applications. This is GREAT news! Remember how my last post said that we both felt like something big was about to happen? Well, it did! The very next day after writing that post God began to move. We received confirmation emails regarding Haiti being open again for adoption and a big prayer regarding an issue with Mark's business was answered in a huge way. This was something that we had been praying about for about 4 months.

Still. The other meaning is a state of being. We need to be still right now as we wait on and rest in God--trusting that He has our BEST in His mind. He knows what we need and He is so good to give His children good gifts. "Be still and know that I Am God." This is His Word to us. I am reminding myself very frequently that my job right now is to rest in Him and trust Him and His timing. I know that I probably sound like a broken record, but this is where I am in my learning and growing process.

In the meantime, please pray for Haiti. There is so much suffering, and I'm sure that I only know of a tiny bit of the true suffering. Families are living in patched together "shelters" made out of sheets and tarps. The rains have come and there is no basic sanitation and very little food. Babies and the elderly are sick. People are cold and wet all night and hot and humid all day. The billions of dollars of aid need to get to the people. Pray and help if you can.

Here is the latest post from the Livesay's blog (I don't know these people, by the way, I just found their blog a few months ago....)

"This is a photo of a family. A beautiful, strong family.

A mother, a father, and five of their six children.

The oldest son is 24 and has gone to school. He is their hope for a better future.

When he comes home from school he will join his mom and dad and brothers and sisters in a "home" with "walls" made of sheets and a "roof" made of woven banana leaves.

They might be able to cook some rice for dinner. They don't eat dinner every night. They need to be careful about their food and charcoal supply. If tonight is a night to cook, to eat, they will step outside of their "home" and cook in a large pot over charcoal just outside their front "door". If their neighbors need food, they will share.

When the sun begins to go down they will whisper to one another by candle light as they lie on thin mats placed on top of the rocks. Throughout the night the rain will fall and the sheets will be blown by the wind. They will move things around to try to avoid the steams of water that run through, under, and around their meager belongings. As hard as they try, they will not rest, they will not sleep.

The sun will rise, a new day will come, and they will survive another day."

We truly have so very much. Thank you, Lord. Please comfort Haiti tonight...

Alive

2010-04-07T21:05:00.000-07:00

I am alive, people. Sorry that I have been absent for so long. I knew this would happen, even though I wished that it wouldn't. I really am amazed by all the blog writers that I follow. How in the world do they have such busy lives, yet find the time to post almost daily?? It's inspiring.

Adoption update this week is that we wrote to Senator Walden asking him to support H.R. 4603 also known as the Haitian Orphan Placement Effort (HOPE Act) which I wrote about a few weeks ago. We also heard from one adoption agency a couple of weeks ago that Haiti IS open to processing adoptions (and this is from a well-established agency), but we can find NO other confirmation of this anywhere else on the web. We are in the process of drafting a letter to them with inquiries of how this could be true. We will see what comes of that. We are hopeful, though! And we pray that it IS true!

After what has felt like a month of NOTHING happening on the adoption front, both Mark and I feel that things are about to move ahead in some way. We don't know exactly what is moving, but something is!

I will be honest here and say that some moving needs to take place in my heart right now regarding my waning faith. Oh, how I would love to be full of huge, unwavering faith that God is moving us along in His own timing. That He is bringing things to fruition that we can't even see right now. Really, deep down in my heart and mind I DO know and believe that; however, my human emotions get in my way so often and I fall prey to discouragement and fear. Fear. I can't stand feeling that, but there it is. Maybe someday I will stop editing myself on here and will actually share some of all the many things that I fear regarding this, but in a nutshell, it's the financial aspect as well as a lingering doubt that I really have what it takes to handle a difficult international adoption process. Here are some things that I am learning about myself:

*I get overwhelmed and can give up on things way too easily. Darn that perfectionism!

*I so quickly "forget" all the confirmations that the Lord has given us--I need to read my own blog!

*I think in earthly terms instead of Heavenly ones far too much.

*I have a very dysfunctional relationship with stress :-(

Well, there it is. I know it isn't pretty, but I also know that this is part of the refining process to get me ready for the calling that the Lord has placed on our lives. I am a work in progress, and I know that He who called me to this endeavor will be faithful to prepare me for it. It may be painful, slow, and not pretty, but I am willing to cooperate and be molded to His likeness no matter what it takes.

We appreciate your prayers for patience as we trust that our adoption delay is all a part of God's perfect timing and will. Remember how upset Mary and Martha got when Jesus didn't arrive in time to heal Lazarus?? Well, they misunderstood the delay thinking that He either didn't care or that He made a mistake in His timing. However, He had something greater in mind that blew the minds of all that witnessed it--He raised Lazarus from the dead!!! How much more awesome was that?? Way better than healing a dude who was recently sick! Poor Mary and Martha (mostly Martha--I really identify with her!), they needed to remember for a second the Person they were dealing with! It was Jesus--the Healer of bodies and HEARTS. So glad He still heals today too.

Okay, well, I didn't mean to have a little "sermonette" but that's what's been on my mind lately, so I guess it spilled over here a bit.

Until next time (hopefully not a month from now!)...

Sick

2010-03-10T10:49:00.000-08:00

I am not too inspired to write much these days. Sickness will do that to a person--it just zaps the strength and inspiration right outta ya! I'm doing all I can just to make it to school each day and teach my sweet little class of kidlets. Thanks to their gift of sharing so well, I have joined them in the coughing-sneezing-blowing that is part of our daily routine, it seems.

I am filled with many thoughts and questions swirling in my head these days. Many of which I cannot share here. I implored the Lord for a verse this morning, and this is what He gave to me,

"The mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace."
Rom. 8:6

Yeah, that's what I needed! My mind must be controlled by the Spirit! Not by my sickly flesh (literally!). The opposite of this verse is also true. The mind controlled by the flesh (sin) is death and unrest. I'm feeling some of that lately, so it's time for a mind overhaul. As my dad always said, "Who is on the throne today?"

Food for thought....

Saturday

2010-02-27T10:44:00.000-08:00

Well, it's Saturday--one of my favorite days! Sleeping in a little is such a blessing when weeks become long and busy and weekdays start early---and a certain person stays up super late every night watching Olympics.... This week seemed to be longer than usual for some reason. The 2 younger girls were home from school on Thursday and Friday with bad colds, coughs, sore throats and low fevers. They are pretty much pathetic. However, I am thankful that they have warm beds, comfy couches, and cozy blankets to snuggle up with as they recover. They are troopers and keep each other company in their misery!

This makes me wonder...what's happening with our future children in Haiti? Are they sick? Are they sleeping outside in one of the oh-so-comfy UNICEF tents?? Do they have anyone who loves them and checks on their health and safety? If I dwell on this for too long I can drive myself CRAZY!! I know that some of you may think that I am weird for feeling and thinking these things when we don't even have children assigned to us yet, but God has children assigned to us and He knows who they are. I would say that I think this is God's way of preparing my heart to love DEEPLY children that are not of my flesh, but are called to be in our family. He has to break our hearts a little so that the love and commitment will remain strong throughout this long, arduous and uncertain process.

This week has proved again to be challenging to me in keeping my perspective focused on what God is asking of us. He will not call us to something and then not give us the ability to handle it. I have to continually remind myself of this fact. Reading about the impossibility of adopting from Haiti in so many places (I am resisting the urge to post links here...) is discouraging, but then I come across something like this:

The H.O.P.E. Act (Haitian Orphan Placement Effort)

It is a bill written by Sen Pete Hoekstra (Mich.) that, if passed, would expand Humanitarian Parole to include Haitian children who were already identified as orphans and were eligible for adoption prior to the earthquake, but had not yet been matched to a family. This could be huge, and we are praying! As I understand it, this would make the U.S. side of things much easier and less complicated, but Haiti would still need to agree to allowing it's confirmed orphans to be adopted. I am searching now to see if there is anything we can do to help in this endeavor.

Please pray with us as we seek to continue following the Lord's will for our family.

Adoption Meals--one way to save!

2010-02-25T12:17:00.000-08:00

So we've recently coined a new term in our household--Adoption Meals! You can probably guess that it refers to budget-friendly meals that encourage less money spent on food so that more money stays in the bank for the ENORMOUS adoption fees that are coming our way soon. However, we are trying to add the component of praying for our adoption process and future children during these meals as well.

For example, on Valentine's Day we made the choice to not eat out for lunch or dinner (since it was on a Sunday, we could have done either one). Here's the yummy and super economical meal we shared together.

Mizithra Cheese and browned butter on angel hair
($3.50 for the cheese at Safeway, $.45 for one stick of butter from Costco, $.99 for one pound of angel hair pasta from Trader Joe's) $4.94 total

Caesar Salad
( $.50 for 1/6 of a bag of Romaine lettuce from Costco; $.50 for 1/2 of a cucumber from the Costco 3-pack; $.25 (approx) for a handful of Craisins from the big Costco bag; $.25 (approx) for a handful of croutons from the big Costco bag; $.50for 1/6 of a bottle of Girard's Caesar dressing; $.25 for a handful of grated parmesan cheese.) $3.00 total

French Bread
($.99 from Safeway--butter and herbs added from pantry) $.99 total

Lemonade/"Adult beverage"
(girls had lemonade from a $.99 frozen can; mom and dad each had 1 glass of wine from cheap $6.00 Trader Joe's bottle) $2.50 total

Chocolate chip cookies
(don't really know the total here since I had all the ingredients in my pantry, but I would estimate that we ate only about $1.00 worth) $1.00 total

So, for less than $12.00 all 5 of us had a wonderful and special Adoption Valentine's Meal that was so yummy! And there were NO crowds to fight! And we watched a movie while we ate!

It's not easy to always choose the adoption meal plan--I'll be honest here. With both Mark and I working full-time, it is so tempting to eat out when we're tired. However, we almost never ate out on a weeknight before we decided to adopt, so those days aren't really the problem. It's the weekends!! I REALLY enjoy the break of not cooking so much on the weekends. Even though cooking is one of my joys, it's tiring to try to be creative all the time so that the family isn't always eating the same thing. Our typical weekend meals used to be easy fun food on Friday (usually take-out pizza from our favorite pizza places), and Date Night for Mark and I on Saturday night while the kids ate left-overs or easy stuff Alli can make at home. Then Sunday it's out to lunch after church since church is a 1/2 hour away from home. That's 3 meals out in 3 days---not good, even if it's cheap! We are trying to choose only 1 time to eat out in a week in order to stretch the budget further. Then when eating at home I am trying to be more aware of how I can stretch things further (eating a few meatless meals helps!).

I'm on the hunt for cheap and nutritious meals that can go into our "Adoption Meal" category, so please share any tips you may have! In the meantime, I now have to decide if this week's meal out will include everyone or just Mark and I--that Date Night is HARD to give up!! :-)

Lost Week

2010-02-19T12:23:00.000-08:00

It feels like a lost week on the adoption front. All our "official" birth certs. and marriage certs. arrived at the end of last week, but now we're just sitting around wondering what to do next.

We need direction. Do we just wait to see what happens? I am not sure. We are struggling with how much we should "push" to see things happen. There are some things that no amount of pushing will change. Like, we can't make Haiti decide to open up adoptions; however we ARE praying for that! But do we risk doing time-sensitive things like a home study (and paying all the money for it) when we may have to do it again if it expires before we can move forward? These are things I ponder daily. We covet your prayers.

I'll be sitting in a Bible conference all weekend (looking forward to it!) in order to keep my teaching credential up to date. Maybe the Lord will reveal something to my heart about these things! I am hopeful!

Keep Pressing On...

2010-02-15T19:35:00.000-08:00

That's what I'm telling myself today...keep pressing on toward what we know that God has called us to do. Another email arrived from an agency we were hopeful about. Not a bad letter, but not full of hope like I was hoping. Here's the message I'm getting that most agencies are sending out: (of course, this is the way I hear it...)

"Please send money to help keep all of our programs/orphanages running. We will add you to a list of families who want to adopt, and we'll let you know when we start accepting applications again. In the meantime, go read up on how hard international adoption is. If you're still here when Haiti finally opens up for adoptions again, just know that everything will be slow and difficult and unorganized. Do you want to consider a different country?? Here's a preliminary application to fill out. Then-- you wait. Oh, and send money..."

Okay, I TOTALLY get that Haiti needs money!! Of course they do!! So much has been lost and so many are suffering. However, we have been called to a different ministry--one that will be our ministry for the rest of our lives (and will require a lot of money, I might add...) We are called to parent children that have lived through this horrible tragedy as well as the many tragedies that have occurred in Haiti in the last couple of years. It's a harsh place. We know that it will not be easy. And we know that we are not in this quest to just "rescue" a child. We have deeper reasons. We want to share our love and family with more children. We love children and have a heart for seeing children grow up in a home that is full of the love of God and family. We want our lives to be lives of service to God and to the world. We WANT MORE from this life than the material offerings of the world. We want to build a sense of deep love and compassion for the world into our family, no matter how many children it includes.

We thoroughly appreciate what adoption agencies are doing, but I want to say, "We're different!! We didn't just watch the news and make a rash decision to do this! We know that it will be hard. We know that parenting children who have been living in an orphanage will be even harder. We know that we have a lot to learn still. BUT...we also know the One who called us to this. We know that He is our Rock, our Redeemer, our Strength and our Shelter. He is able, even when we are not. He is strong when we are continually weak. He will accomplish the purpose He has set before us."

There. I feel better now. Thanks for reading...

Ignorance does not equal bliss...

2010-02-12T12:09:00.000-08:00

I don't have a lot of knowledge on the adoption front yet--Mark and I are learning as we go. However, we have begun to do some reading on possible new adoption policy that will be formed in Haiti following the earthquake. There are many opinions swirling around out there, that's for sure!

In our reading we came across a blog written by a family that has lived in Haiti as a missionary family for the last 4 years. We don't know these people, but I admire their heart for the Lord and for Haiti, and I have been reading their blog daily. They have several children--3 of them are adopted from Haiti. They recently returned to the states to re-group and rest while determining what their next steps should be. I encourage you to read some of their blog history if you are interested in being blessed. Here is a post from their blog today that sums up the adoption controversy quite well:

"Last night on AC360 Anderson visited an orphanage outside of Port au Prince.

As he interviewed the people overseeing the orphanage they said things and he repeated them in agreement. It was the "let's all agree and not think critically" segment.

During the interview one women admitted that most kids were placed in the orphanage as a result of financial hardship in the birth family. She did not claim the children had deceased parents. (Although some of them probably do.) She went on to explain that they would not want to offer adoption as a choice because these children need to stay in their own culture. Anderson did not ask a single hard question and just nodded in agreement. In reality orphanages are a subculture and cannot effectively preserve the culture that they so adamantly claim needs preserving.

AC went with the unicef line about how much better it is to be raised in an orphanage in your own country ... preserving your cultural norms and avoiding adoption at all costs. (Meanwhile unicef spokesperson Angelina Jolie adopts children from other cultures and ruins their chances of growing up in an orphanage - yet somehow that is different. You must need to be a celebrity to break unicef rules.)

The weird thing is, they stood in an orphanage meant to house 100+ kids at once and literally said "We never want to take these kids from their parents, their parents love them." Yet the kids are LIVING in the orphanage ... do they not count that as taking them from their parents?

Basically, you can take them from their parents to raise them in your crowded institution - but you cannot take them and place them in nuclear families abroad ... that is abusive. They sat there saying that the kids were placed mainly due to financial reasons, then tried to say that they must be raised in Haiti to be able to help Haiti some day. One teenage girl spoke on camera, saying something like "If you adopt all the kids out they won't be here to help their people, and that is what we want." It was an odd soundbyte by someone who is likely on a short-term visit to Haiti and has very little big picture perspective.

I hardly think anyone is suggesting that we take every.single. child in every.single. orphanage and move them out of Haiti. OF COURSE NOT. As usual, they change the argument into something it is not. ALL children leaving Haiti is a bad idea. An idiot knows that. You cannot remove the entire next generation. But, ALL children staying in Haiti (closing down adoption on the whole) is a really bad idea too.

The same thing applies as in every other argument ... it is not a black and white, one size-fits-all argument. Different situations warrant different responses ... there is no hard and fast rule, no one response to the orphan crisis. Keeping hundreds of thousands of orphans (with or without living birth-parents) in institutions and thinking that these institutions will prepare them to "give back to their country" -- is nothing short of totally ignorant. The vast majority of orphanages in Haiti are horribly understaffed and overcrowded. Those conditions don't turn out world leaders.

Most orphanages look different on the days that visitors come. They are not wonderful, loving, centers of cultural goodness. 100 kids living in one building was presented as a brilliant idea by Coop last night. I am not exactly sure what he was thinking. Live in an orphanage for three months when there are no cameras around. THEN come tell me how totally awesome it is to stay in your home culture.

I don't know why Anderson is generalizing and suggesting one solution for the problem of orphans in Haiti. These one-sided platitudes must be encouraged by unicef or by those ten people that tried to take kids illegally ... but either way they are misguided. I'd love to see Anderson actually report on this issue looking at BOTH sides.

Adoption is not warranted in every situation. Of course not. But keeping all orphaned kids from the opportunity to be adopted in order preserve their fabulous (orphan) culture and keep unicef in business, is not a one-size-fits-all solution either."

It's definitely a lot to think about. Of course we would all love for children to have all that they need to grow up in a safe, healthy and happy environment within their own country; but as stated in the post above, that is not always possible!! And if adoptions are shut down because of some philosophy of UNICEF, what will become of these children? Already overcrowded orphanages will be even more crowded by displaced children. Should they be forced to live out their childhoods in institutions just so that they can "grow up and give back to their country"?? What will they even have to give back, I wonder...

If you have more knowledge on this than I do, please comment! I would be happy to read other opinions.

Encouragement

2010-02-10T09:17:00.000-08:00

God is good. All the time. He truly is! He has been so faithful in giving us encouragement along the way as we seek Him for our next steps. We have been given so many verses that show us again and again that this journey wasn't chosen by us, it was chosen by Him! He has planned this adventure in faith and obedience, and He will order our steps.

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago." Eph. 2:10

The knowledge that He is in this and that He will guide and direct our steps has given me so much comfort in the times that I am afraid. It seems that my emotions swing widely depending on the day. The first couple of weeks after making this decision were definitely the hardest so far, and thankfully it has gotten better. However, I know that as we move closer--especially after we get a referral--there will be a battle waged against my faith and patience. I must fortify myself in Christ and His goodness. It is not His desire for me to live in fear or faithlessness, and it is not my desire to live that way either!

Sunday morning as I was doing the 45 minute blow-dry/flat-iron on this ultra-curly head, I was reading my Bible (might as well get something noble done while the vain side is doing its work, right??). Anyway, I don't do this often, but I opened my Bible and let my eyes just fall to a verse on the page. (A friend of mine apparently calls this "Bible Roulette"! I love that!) Here are the verses I read:

"Yet he (speaking of Abraham) did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had the power to do what he had promised."
Rom. 4:21-22 (emphasis mine)

If you go back a couple of verses earlier, it talks about how Abraham had faith "even though he was as good as dead"!! That cracked us up--I asked Mark if he was as good as dead! Then we decided that we would apply that thought to our bank account! We will have faith--even if our bank account is as good as dead!!

The adoption update for this week is that we did hear back from the family friend who has someone in his church trying to finalize their adoption from Haiti. They used a contact in Haiti who is a lawyer and also runs several ministries there--and is a Haitian himself. I am anxious to talk to the family to see if they recommend going that route, or if they recommend using an agency. We also found another agency this week that looks promising. As I mentioned earlier, Mark's sister adopted from Haiti nearly 8 years ago. Of course, the first adoption agency we looked into was the one they used. We soon found out that their agency just recently closed, so all of the contacts she had were no longer accessible. All his sister had left was the name of the man who ran the orphanage where they got their daughter, and we couldn't find him. Well, the new agency I just found this week mentions him on their website! He is still there running the orphanage! We don't know what, if anything, will come of that; but it was great to find a contact that someone in our family has used before. We are pursuing these options now. Waiting for responses to emails...

One cool thing that happened this week is that the "official" copies of our marriage license arrived! Yay! We're finally married---just kidding! One of the many things required in international adoptions are certain types of copies of different documents. Your marriage license and birth certificates must be printed on paper that has a raised county or state or country seal--not the "copies" that most of us have on plain white paper. So, $225.00 later, we have all of those coming to us in the mail. I have a feeling we will be great friends with the notary down at our bank by the time this process is finished! She had to notarize papers that prove our identity so that we could get all those official documents mailed to us. I just hope that I didn't jump the gun and order the wrong kind... I just needed to DO something!

I will close with asking for a couple of prayer requests for those of you who would be willing to pray for us:

1. Please pray for continued faith, and for patience! (see above where I said that I just needed to do something?? Not a great sign of patience!)
2. Pray for clear direction in what agency, if any, we should use.
3. Please pray for our children that are still in Haiti! Pray for safety, health and that God would show them His great love and that they would feel their Heavenly Father holding them in the palm of His hand.

Thank you for your prayers. I will close with this verse: "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."
Ps. 32:8

Listening

2010-02-05T17:03:00.000-08:00

So, it's Friday!! Tomorrow is Mark's birthday--and next month we celebrate being together as a couple for *gasp* 20 YEARS!! How am I that old?? He must've married a baby...

Thanks for the encouragement and comments on my previous posts. It's weird and unexpected that I wonder who's reading and what they're thinking. You readers are putting my fears to rest.

I guess I will pick up our story with where I left off before. We finally decided to heed the call that we so strongly felt God leading us toward. We agreed that we must pursue adoption in Haiti. One thing that I have failed to mention so far is that Mark's sister adopted a daughter from Haiti nearly 8 years ago. She is the same age as McKenna and they live just a few miles away from us. I guess that helps to explain why we are so passionate about Haiti. We are going to pursue a sibling group of girls in the 4-8 age range--but we are totally open to what the Lord leads us to. Many think that this must be our way to get a boy! We love boys, but feel so broken over the horrible abuses that can happen to little girls. And if you know my husband, he is AMAZING with our girls. Even though he is a man's man, God made him the perfect daddy to model Christ's love to his daughters.

Well, after the decision was made we decided to tell a few very close friends and our family. I wasn't sure what reaction we would get, but it has been overwhelmingly positive! In fact when we told my parents, they were so excited and said that right after they quake they thought that we should try to adopt some of those kids! When I was talking to them, they really didn't even seem shocked or surprised~they already had an idea that we should do it! I can't tell you how much that encouraged me and built my faith!

A few weeks later we finally got in touch with Mark's mom who goes to Mexico and does missions work with her husband every winter. Mark began to tell her our plans, and we could hear her giggling in the background. I wasn't sure what that was about! Then she told us that several days earlier she had a strong feeling in her heart that we were going to decide to adopt and that it would be from Haiti! She said she tried to brush it off thinking that it probably was nothing, but then she got the feeling again--and even stronger! So she told her husband about it and then we were telling her our story over the phone, and it was just so amazing to all of us that God told all the grandparents before we even had the chance!

So we are now in the process of researching agencies and compiling official documents that we will need. Many of you know that Haiti is "officially" closed to adoption right now, and the story in the news about that church group coming in and taking 30 some children to the D.R. is only hurting things. We did find 2 agencies that will let us go ahead and begin the application process, but then our file will be put on hold until Haiti is open again. We have a lot to consider. One agency is not "religious" that I can see, but they are pretty well-known and offer a lot of help in the process. They also have comparatively low rates for their service. The other agency is also well-known and offers great service--and they are a Christian agency; however, their prices are much higher than others that I have seen. And I can't find anything that says they offer a reduced rate for families adopting more than one child. One more really cool thing that happened is that the contact at the Christian agency (which is in our state!!) is married to a guy that has been a family friend forever! She is emailing me with lots of valuable information, but warns that the country is very unstable and wants to make sure we understand the risks.

Aside from all of our agency searching we also discover that another close family friend who is a pastor in Washington personally knows a Haitian pastor/missionary/lawyer who has successfully helped several families in the Washington pastor's church adopt children from Haiti! We are awaiting a response from an email I sent...

Another thing that I want to make clear to those who may wonder---we realize that there is a need for Haiti to close adoptions until the status of all the "apparently" orphaned children can be established. We certainly would never want to take a child who was merely separated from their family members who might be able to care for them! However, it is our understanding from what we have read and heard, that Haiti had about 300,000 orphans BEFORE THE QUAKE! Unfortunately, it seems that a lot of that paperwork that proves their status was destroyed and buried in the rubble somewhere. We don't know much about all of this, but we are praying for those who are truly orphaned to be quickly identified and for their paperwork to be found or recreated so that they can be part of a family. There are some agencies (UNICEF) who seem to want to thwart the efforts of people wanting to provide loving homes and families to these children. It appears that they would rather have a child grow up in an institution/orphanage in their home country than have them adopted by a family in another country! I think that's crazy~ We fully agree that a child needs to know their history (not just the bad parts--the great things too!) and their culture. And that is our plan! How awesome would it be to train up Haitian children in the knowledge of the Lord and then make it part of our family's calling to travel back and forth to Haiti on mission's trips sharing the love of Jesus with the people that gave us our children! Awesome! Just wanted to explain a little further...

More later...

Brief Pause

2010-02-05T09:52:00.000-08:00

Sorry to those of you who left comments and wondered when they were going to show up! I just figured out where to go to make sure they post! Yeah, I'm a little slow... :-)

God's Call

2010-02-03T10:48:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure that one post will be able to contain all that is swirling in my brain regarding God's call on our lives to begin the process of international adoption, so bear with me. It may take awhile to get it all out and into blogland. Also, remember that I'm a newbie at this!

So, I will start by saying that adoption has always been something that I have been open to. Mark and I have discussed it on many, many occasions, but the timing never really seemed right. And, I think it's fair to say that it was more of "my idea" than Mark's. He said that if God clearly showed us this was His plan, then he would pursue it. Of course, I firmly believed that we must be fully united in an endeavor this life-changing for us to ever pursue it. So I put the idea in the back of my brain where it sat for years.

Fast-forward to October of 2009. I attended a wonderful women's retreat in my town at the beginning of the month where God had some big surprises for me. First off, I didn't even want to go to this retreat. I teach 1st grade and try hard to juggle all those responsibilities with the responsibilities of being a mom, so when the weekends roll around I have a pretty full agenda for all that needs to be accomplished before Monday morning comes. Going to a retreat means that my weekend schedule is going to get all messed up! Add to that the fact that I was feeling somewhat dry spiritually, so the motivation to go just wasn't there. But bless the hearts of sweet friends who said that I needed to go! A dear friend of mine was the keynote speaker, and I wanted to give her my support and encouragement....so I VERY RELUCTANTLY went.

I won't give all the details of that weekend, but God showed up HUGE! He broke my heart for things that I needed to see---suffering people, my own lack of connection with some big things that have eternal value, hurt relationships that hadn't been fully rebuilt, etc... I spent most of the weekend crying--which is NOT NORMAL for me at all! God removed scales from my eyes, masks from my face and walls from my heart. It was excruciatingly painful, but eventually it was SO FREEING!! I went home with a deep feeling in my heart that my life was about to dramatically change...

I began to pray and meet with friends and talk with Mark about what was happening in my heart and life. I was also seeking God even more. I was hungry to hear from Him (and I still am!!). He was speaking into my heart and filling me with new thoughts and ideas and plans. I had the swine flu during this time and a friend brought me the daily devotional book, Jesus Calling. This book is written as if Jesus is talking to you and describes how much He longs to commune with you every day. It's been a life-changing book and I will probably quote it a lot here. (Get it if you can!!) Next, I began to question my calling to teach. I teach in a small Christian school where all of my kids attend. This is my 9th year there. A huge part of my identity is wrapped up in the word "teacher". After all, what would I do if I wasn't teaching? Would I just be a mom to three girls?? (I know the answer to this, of course I LOVE being a mom--I'm just making a point that so many women feel that their lives have to be totally busy and filled with all kinds of "meaningful activity" in order for them to be important or valued. I was realizing that I had fallen prey to this lie.). I still don't have all the answers regarding this subject, but one thing I know:

My identity is in Christ alone. I am His daughter, His Bride, His Beloved. I am bought with a high price and He values me just as I am--flaws and all. I don't have to DO anything to be fully loved and cherished by Him.

Okay, back to the story....
So, the holidays rolled around and I could see that this burning feeling that something big was coming was only growing stronger. I had great days of excitement and really hard days of uncertainty and fear. The roller coaster effect was beginning to take a toll. But then I would feel guilty realizing that many people LIVE on a roller coaster, so I'd try to buckle in for the ride. At this time I was reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I HIGHLY recommend it! My faith was being challenged in a new way. Was I really willing to give anything to see the lost come to Jesus? Would I be willing to give up the comforts that I like in order to give more to others who suffer and have not even the basic necessities? I was wrestling with these and other questions and not liking what I was finding out about myself...I mean, I've been a Christ-follower for like 35 years!! Why were some of these basic concepts about giving, loving and serving so hard??

I wrestled, I read, I prayed, I talked, and I resolved. I resolved that I would do whatever God asked--no matter how hard it was or how much it cost me. Mind you, this is not a one time decision! Each day--sometimes multiple times a day-- I must resolve again and give up my flesh to Him. (I know it seems basic to many of you, but remember that I'm a work in progress!) Soon, God brought more into my life to challenge me.

An earthquake happens in Haiti. Devastation. Death. An already overloaded system of orphanages was now being inundated with countless other children either orphaned or separated from their parents and family. However, for me, remember that the idea of adoption was in the back of my mind and was not going to be opened up again unless Mark brought it up. Well, he brought it up. He came home from work 3 days after the quake and grabbed me in a hug and said, "We need to seriously pray about adopting some of those kids in Haiti". Now, you'd think I'd be flying high that he brought it up, but no! The only real word I heard at that moment was, "some"! SOME!!! What is he thinking!! We began to talk fervently about it. I wanted to make sure that he was serious. Oh yeah, he was totally serious!

Prayer. Lots and lots of prayer. We told no one about our thoughts for awhile. We just read and prayed and fasted. We didn't want to do anything that was not in God's will. But the urgency of this huge disaster became the fuel that fed the small flame that was already in our hearts. Well, the floodgates of His leading began to pour forth. For my own clarity in writing this, I am going to list things that were happening in bullet form below:

God allowed us to see tons of news footage with sweet little children who are in need of families. We were both moved to tears (not normal for us, but admittedly, these are just emotions--not something to base a huge decision like this on).
Friends were saying things to me like, "I just have this strong feeling that God has a huge ministry for you that you haven't found yet." These were words from sisters in Christ that have a deep and abiding relationship with Christ. Their words matter much to me.
My daily devotional, Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young had these words to say during this time of seeking and praying: "I am with you and for you. When you decide on a course of action that is in line with my will, nothing in heaven or on earth can stop you. You may encounter many obstacles as you move toward your goal, but don't be discouraged--never give up! With My help, you can overcome any obstacle. Do not expect an easy path as you journey hand in hand with Me, but do remember that I, your very-present Helper, am omnipotent." Such amazing and encouraging words for my fearful heart!
We read these words of Francis Chan: "The way you live your days is the way you live your life". How do I really want to live?? Safely or sacrificially?
Both Mark and I on the same day, yet at different times are led to read Is. 58. Neither of us knew the other one was reading it too until we talked about it that night. I won't quote the whole thing, but the first half is all about fasting (something we were planning on doing the next day) and the second half is all about helping the poor, oppressed and orphaned. Hmm...

I think I need to stop the bullets. I'm getting tired of it. Anyway, at the end of our week or so of praying, we took a day to fast and really seek God for an answer to whether or not we should pursue adoption from Haiti. A couple of hours before the fast was over I offered one plea to the Lord. I said, "Lord, I really feel that this is the direction You are asking us to go, but I am afraid to trust my feelings and afraid to head in a direction that is not from You. I am begging You to please give me one more REALLY CLEAR sign that this is what we're supposed to do. " Later that evening as we are chatting with my brother's family in our living room (and they knew nothing about any of this), my brother says out of the blue, "Hey with all that's happened in Haiti, you guys should really think about adopting some of those kids!" My brother was used to be the voice of God!! I about freaked out right there! God had given me exactly what I asked for! After they left (still not knowing anything), Mark and I decided that this was the path God was leading us to walk.

*So, this post is WAY too long...sorry! Next post~ Mountains begin to move!

The beginning of this process...

2010-02-02T17:17:00.000-08:00

Well, I have decided to open up my heart to the world (my very tiny world!) and begin blogging. I'm not sure how this will go, and to tell the truth, I am a bit scared. I have long been a "blog lurker" (I think that's what we're called!), and have several favorites that I check in on daily. Mostly, I enjoy the witty writing and marvel at the transparency that so many are willing to show. So, I pray that I won't be too boring and that I will be willing to reveal the things that God is asking me to reveal in my writing. To start off, it's only fair that I warn you of these things:

I am usually somewhat brief--kind of a "get to the point" type; however, that could all change here. Who knows??
I will probably have some huge lapses between posts. I wish it weren't so, because I know what a bummer it is to check on a blog every day and not find a new post! However, life gets in the way, so it is what it is...
I am a work in progress! I will try not to offend anyone with anything that I may say, but I may just put my foot in my mouth every now and then. So, I humbly ask for your long-suffering forgiveness! (By the way...isn't it SO AWESOME that our Lord is so long-suffering with us?? More on this topic later...)

What's the reason/point/theme of this blog, you ask?? Well, maybe if I figure out how to upload pictures (don't judge!) and can manage to write once in awhile I will have some sort of chronicle of our family that consists of more than a few pages of my almost 16 year old's first year of life along with a gazillion pictures sitting in boxes and in computer files! Really, it's that bad...

Also, we are listening to God's call on our lives to welcome new children to our family through the gift of adoption. As amazing things are happening we realize that we need to write things down lest we grow discouraged on the way and forget the times of clearly hearing His voice. So, we are inviting you, our few readers, to join us as we share. We covet your prayers and welcome your comments and encouragement!

Tomorrow~ "God's Call" Until then, be blessed!