Summer Goals

Wow. I made it to summer! After a few days of teacher inservice wrapping up my end of the year to-do list, I am a (somewhat) free woman! I have been praying and thinking about how to be more intentional in my summer plans this year so that the time doesn't just fritter away. I realized that starting tomorrow (my first official day off) I have about 80 days of summer break. Now that may sound like a TON of days, but IT'S NOT!! I have learned from experience that the best laid plans for my time often do not actually happen.

This summer is a bit different for me. I have had this sense of restlessness in my life for the last several months--knowing that He is growing and changing me. He is changing huge things in my life perspective. He wants me to see people and the world more like He sees them. The logical questions that follow a view like that is, "What am I going to DO about what I am learning?" I know that there are suffering people who need Jesus, but am I doing all that I can to point them to Him. And how does one really point someone to Jesus? Is it by preaching at them begging them to change their ways? Likely not. I am reminded again that it is by choosing to SERVE them no matter how much it may inconvenience me. It is choosing to be the hands and feet of Christ and giving up what I perceive to be "my rights". Not an easy task! I am so challenged, and certainly have only begun to think and pray through what this looks like in the flesh.

God's leading us to adopt is only the beginning of this challenge. I am praying that I am not so self-focused in pursuing that call that the Spirit of God is squelched in His desire to expand my territory and ministry opportunities while I wait for adoption action steps to happen. I am totally humbled by the fact that He has opened the door for me to lead worship and minister through music at a women's event this next weekend--the same event where I had my MAJOR life changing moment back in October! How marvelous are His ways and how gracious is He that He would choose to use me in this way. (If I knew how to link back to an older post, I would--but I don't, so you can scroll back to read about that towards the very beginning of my blog! Sorry!)

After next weekend, I have some specific goals to work towards this summer:

*In depth Bible study:
The time for getting that "quick Word" is over! I hear God calling me to KNOW Him and know His ways--to truly KNOW His character and live in the peace of His presence. I struggle so much to live in that moment by moment peace when the daily grind is at its worst. Like in the middle of the school year when I'm tired and worn out and wondering how I am going to "do it all" and do it well.

*Growth reading:
I recently finished reading Francis Chan's books: Crazy Love and Forgotten God.
Both were amazing and life-changing.
Next up is reading the new and revised Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby and then The Hole in our Gospel by Richard Stearns. I also have several adoption info books that are stacked up next to my bed. I will be busy!

*Adoption Paperwork:
As we get further in the process, there will be MANY forms to fill out. I would love to get our Home Study well under way as well as most of the official documents compiled that we need. We will also be doing our adoption education either online or through the state. Haven't quite nailed that one down yet. I just want to accomplish as much as possible during my less busy summer months! The great news today is that I found a great organization that will do international home studies even if you are not adopting through their agency. Our agency (still un-named!) is out-of-state, so we need someone in Oregon to do our Home Study. This organization even has a social worker right in our town!! No mileage fees!! Yay!

*Photos...
I hesitate to even write this...but I am attempting to sort through my boxes of photos with the girls this summer. I figure they are old enough to help me and might actually enjoy picking out special photos for us to put in albums together. Maybe we will even end up with a few finished albums by the end of summer! I don't know why I never thought of them helping me before! I can help with correct dates and events, and they can provide some of the labor involved in sorting and placing into albums. This would be a HUGE load off my mind...

*Vacation
I won't be posting actual dates here, but we have decided to take a road trip down to Disneyland! It is our favorite place to go, and we haven't been in 5 years. We absolutely cannot wait!

*Health
I am going to attempt integrating a few more healthy items into our diet, and I am wanting more exercise in my life. Walking is a start, but I have a desire to make the year that I turn **cough, cough, 40** the best, most healthy year yet. We'll see...this is the goal that I am least confident about. Any suggestions for a girl with a really bad knee and who really hates to sweat?? I know, I know, I'm good at excuses! :-)

Well, there you have it--in black and white. I am suddenly feeling a bit tired--maybe I should head to bed and start on these tomorrow--oh wait, I always say that and that's why I'm here! I guess I will at least start on one tonight--probably the reading one. I can lay down and do that!

Have a great week!

Update

Good Sunday to you all! I always enjoy a Sunday so much more when there is a holiday on Monday, and I don't have all the "getting ready for school" stuff to do!

Well, in my last post I said that 2 decisions were coming up soon. We spent much time in prayer seeking the Lord about whether I should continue teaching full time. I do love so many things about the job, but the reality is that working full time does take time and energy. We carefully weighed out all the pros and cons and asked that the Lord reveal His will for us in this. After weeks and weeks of this, we both felt that it would be best for me to continue teaching in this job that He has called me to. I know that working outside the home is definitely not for every mother, and I am acutely aware of the many sacrifices that are made when a woman does choose to work outside the home. But I believe that He has equipped me to do this, and I believe that He will fill in the gaps.

I don't care what side of the fence one falls on regarding moms working or not working; the simple fact is that you can't do it all! Something has to give when a mom chooses to take a job that is away from the home for many hours in a day. Here are the biggest sacrifices that I feel personally and that I am working through. I would love any advice on how to make these sacrifices seem not so big!

*Involvement in a women's Bible study. Evening ones just don't fit with my family's schedule.

*Time to invest in friendships. It's hard to stay connected with friends who are stay-at-home mom's since the time that I am free is only on a Saturday morning or possibly a rare evening here or there. That is not the time that they are usually free. Bummer.

*The ability to really sit and visit one on one with each kid, each day. Now this one is something that I believe does not have to be a sacrifice I make. We have a plan of action here to help us (me) be more intentional in changing this. Our plan involves getting rid of T.V. I am not a T.V. addict, but sadly, when I'm tired after a long day at school, T.V. becomes my way to veg out. Come summer, the T.V. will be disconnected. Only movies will be occasionally allowed. Oh, my kids are going to love me for this, right?? Not.

*Keeping up with memory books and photo albums. I can't even write anything descriptive here because this whole topic just plain makes me sick to my stomach!! I need help here!

*Doing things for others. I used to really enjoy helping others out in tangible ways back when I was a stay-at-home mom (man that was a LONG time ago!!). I loved to take a meal to a new mom, or to someone who was sick. I loved to be able to help watch the children of those who were in the midst of a hard time. I loved secretly doing things for others too. Now, I very rarely am able/available to do those things. I either don't have the time or know that I don't have the energy to give to those types of things. I do have some opportunities, but not as much as I'd like.

*Helping Mark with his business. I know that Mark would love it if I could assist in some of the bookkeeping/paperwork side of his business, but there is just no time! He also would love it if I could travel with him once in awhile, but again, no time!

Wow, this post is not going how I'd planned! Anyway, I feel confident in our decision, and blessed that even though there are several sacrifices, God piles on the blessings as well. I am blessed that all 3 of my children attend my school and I see all of them each day. We have all the same days off of school, and I am able to know their teachers and friends well. I love our staff and the tremendous things that are happening at our school. God has truly blessed us in huge ways! We just went through our accreditation renewal last month, and it was so amazing to see that come to fruition. We put tons of work into pacing maps, curriculum guides, and many other documents and it paid off! We are a fully accredited school! For you educators out there, you know how important that is and how it boosts the reputation of a school. Thank you Lord!

Finally, the other news that my few readers have been waiting for! We have chosen an agency for our Haitian adoption! I will be announcing the name as soon as we are officially accepted into the program. Our application is waiting to mail as soon as we receive a couple of other bits of information. I should have solid info within a couple of weeks. I would love to share the name, but had better wait until it's official.

That's all for now. Enjoy the long weekend!

Big Week

I feel a bit like a broken record whenever I post. I know that each post sort-of contains the same material without really giving any concrete information. I can't tell you how difficult is has been for me to not have any real specific new information, but I am trusting that I will look back on the archives of this blog someday and see clearly how God's hand directed each step we took....

This week is going to be a big week of decisions! I know it! We are attending another adoption group meeting on Thursday night and will get to talk with adoption lawyers and agency reps. We have narrowed down our agency search to only a couple and plan to make a final decision by the weekend. I will keep you posted! Also, there are other big decisions on the horizon that we are hoping to finalize this week as well.

All this decision making has the potential to send me over the edge into a cesspool of STRESS! But I am claiming "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee". I am so thankful that I have the love of my Heavenly Father--who knows my heart and loves me as I am.

Information on all these decisions will be coming soon! Have a great week and thanks for praying.

Thoughts

This will be short and sweet.

*Went to an adoption forum in our hometown last weekend that included 4 families sharing their adoption stories. They all have either adopted domestically or internationally. It was AMAZING! So worth our time! The other really cool thing is that there were at least 10-15 other couples there who were in various stages of adoption just like us! I can't wait for next month's meeting that will have adoption lawyers and agency reps who will share that side of the process. We left even more convinced that this is what we are to be doing right now.

*This week I had a moment of desperation where I just wanted to get our kids! I don't even know who they are, but I want them here. I have to keep trusting that God is still preparing us and our children. He will unite us in His timing.

*Big decisions are looming over us regarding choosing an agency (or going an alternative route) and deciding if I should continue my teaching job next year. There are many pros and cons rattling around in my head, and I won't share them all here, but I would covet your prayers for God's wisdom in these 2 decisions. To be honest, having them weighing on my mind is exhausting--I just want to know what to do! I was supposed to let my principal know by the end of March, and she is graciously giving me more time to figure things out. Mark and I are talking and praying these things over each day, but haven't felt a strong leading one way or the other from the Lord.

Thanks for continuing to read.

Still

Still. This word has two meanings to us right now. It is an adverb that describes the verb "waiting." As in, "We are still waiting to see where God directs us for our next step in our adoption process." We don't quite know yet what we should be doing as Haiti is trying to figure out what the new, revamped process will be. However, we do have confirmation that adoption is, in fact, open in Haiti and the U.S. is also willing to process applications. This is GREAT news! Remember how my last post said that we both felt like something big was about to happen? Well, it did! The very next day after writing that post God began to move. We received confirmation emails regarding Haiti being open again for adoption and a big prayer regarding an issue with Mark's business was answered in a huge way. This was something that we had been praying about for about 4 months.

Still. The other meaning is a state of being. We need to be still right now as we wait on and rest in God--trusting that He has our BEST in His mind. He knows what we need and He is so good to give His children good gifts. "Be still and know that I Am God." This is His Word to us. I am reminding myself very frequently that my job right now is to rest in Him and trust Him and His timing. I know that I probably sound like a broken record, but this is where I am in my learning and growing process.

In the meantime, please pray for Haiti. There is so much suffering, and I'm sure that I only know of a tiny bit of the true suffering. Families are living in patched together "shelters" made out of sheets and tarps. The rains have come and there is no basic sanitation and very little food. Babies and the elderly are sick. People are cold and wet all night and hot and humid all day. The billions of dollars of aid need to get to the people. Pray and help if you can.

Here is the latest post from the Livesay's blog (I don't know these people, by the way, I just found their blog a few months ago....)

"This is a photo of a family. A beautiful, strong family.

A mother, a father, and five of their six children.

The oldest son is 24 and has gone to school. He is their hope for a better future.

When he comes home from school he will join his mom and dad and brothers and sisters in a "home" with "walls" made of sheets and a "roof" made of woven banana leaves.

They might be able to cook some rice for dinner. They don't eat dinner every night. They need to be careful about their food and charcoal supply. If tonight is a night to cook, to eat, they will step outside of their "home" and cook in a large pot over charcoal just outside their front "door". If their neighbors need food, they will share.

When the sun begins to go down they will whisper to one another by candle light as they lie on thin mats placed on top of the rocks. Throughout the night the rain will fall and the sheets will be blown by the wind. They will move things around to try to avoid the steams of water that run through, under, and around their meager belongings. As hard as they try, they will not rest, they will not sleep.

The sun will rise, a new day will come, and they will survive another day."

We truly have so very much. Thank you, Lord. Please comfort Haiti tonight...

Alive

I am alive, people. Sorry that I have been absent for so long. I knew this would happen, even though I wished that it wouldn't. I really am amazed by all the blog writers that I follow. How in the world do they have such busy lives, yet find the time to post almost daily?? It's inspiring.

Adoption update this week is that we wrote to Senator Walden asking him to support H.R. 4603 also known as the Haitian Orphan Placement Effort (HOPE Act) which I wrote about a few weeks ago. We also heard from one adoption agency a couple of weeks ago that Haiti IS open to processing adoptions (and this is from a well-established agency), but we can find NO other confirmation of this anywhere else on the web. We are in the process of drafting a letter to them with inquiries of how this could be true. We will see what comes of that. We are hopeful, though! And we pray that it IS true!

After what has felt like a month of NOTHING happening on the adoption front, both Mark and I feel that things are about to move ahead in some way. We don't know exactly what is moving, but something is!

I will be honest here and say that some moving needs to take place in my heart right now regarding my waning faith. Oh, how I would love to be full of huge, unwavering faith that God is moving us along in His own timing. That He is bringing things to fruition that we can't even see right now. Really, deep down in my heart and mind I DO know and believe that; however, my human emotions get in my way so often and I fall prey to discouragement and fear. Fear. I can't stand feeling that, but there it is. Maybe someday I will stop editing myself on here and will actually share some of all the many things that I fear regarding this, but in a nutshell, it's the financial aspect as well as a lingering doubt that I really have what it takes to handle a difficult international adoption process. Here are some things that I am learning about myself:

*I get overwhelmed and can give up on things way too easily. Darn that perfectionism!

*I so quickly "forget" all the confirmations that the Lord has given us--I need to read my own blog!

*I think in earthly terms instead of Heavenly ones far too much.

*I have a very dysfunctional relationship with stress :-(

Well, there it is. I know it isn't pretty, but I also know that this is part of the refining process to get me ready for the calling that the Lord has placed on our lives. I am a work in progress, and I know that He who called me to this endeavor will be faithful to prepare me for it. It may be painful, slow, and not pretty, but I am willing to cooperate and be molded to His likeness no matter what it takes.

We appreciate your prayers for patience as we trust that our adoption delay is all a part of God's perfect timing and will. Remember how upset Mary and Martha got when Jesus didn't arrive in time to heal Lazarus?? Well, they misunderstood the delay thinking that He either didn't care or that He made a mistake in His timing. However, He had something greater in mind that blew the minds of all that witnessed it--He raised Lazarus from the dead!!! How much more awesome was that?? Way better than healing a dude who was recently sick! Poor Mary and Martha (mostly Martha--I really identify with her!), they needed to remember for a second the Person they were dealing with! It was Jesus--the Healer of bodies and HEARTS. So glad He still heals today too.

Okay, well, I didn't mean to have a little "sermonette" but that's what's been on my mind lately, so I guess it spilled over here a bit.

Until next time (hopefully not a month from now!)...

Sick

I am not too inspired to write much these days. Sickness will do that to a person--it just zaps the strength and inspiration right outta ya! I'm doing all I can just to make it to school each day and teach my sweet little class of kidlets. Thanks to their gift of sharing so well, I have joined them in the coughing-sneezing-blowing that is part of our daily routine, it seems.

I am filled with many thoughts and questions swirling in my head these days. Many of which I cannot share here. I implored the Lord for a verse this morning, and this is what He gave to me,

"The mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace."
Rom. 8:6

Yeah, that's what I needed! My mind must be controlled by the Spirit! Not by my sickly flesh (literally!). The opposite of this verse is also true. The mind controlled by the flesh (sin) is death and unrest. I'm feeling some of that lately, so it's time for a mind overhaul. As my dad always said, "Who is on the throne today?"

Food for thought....